“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
The saying goes “be yourself, everyone else is taken” by Oscar Wilde. But why is it so hard sometimes to show up as we really are, as ourselves, truly and fully?
I’ve found as I’ve grown older that it’s become easier, that I feel more comfortable in my own skin. But there are parts of me that shy away because sometimes I like things that are a bit different or perhaps I don’t see as socially acceptable.
It’s funny how we can conform without realising it. It’s starts at school and then can be compounded when you start work depending on what you do.
And it’s funny that there’s this unsaid understanding of what success means, of what you should be doing and how you should be leading your life.
I conformed, I went to school and conformed, I got good grades, I went to college and then university and then I was successful in the corporate world. I followed what society said was successful, oh and I got married too. That other unsaid rule that you ‘should’ get married and have children! (I got divorced too by the way, but that’s another story.)
And then it changed. I changed. It didn’t happen all at once, and it’s still happening. I’m still finding parts of myself. I believe that there’s no destination, there’s nowhere we need to be. All we have is now. And I also love the relationship I have with myself, learning more about me, what makes me happy, what’s stuck that I need to shift, how to be me in the corporate world and amongst my peers, and even with my family. And there’s the deep stuff, which I’m working on right now, the things in the past that have played a part in who I am today.
My husband said to me the other week, I wanted a leggy, football loving, beer drinking wife and instead I got a leggy, crystal loving yogi. Yes exactly! And I don’t think he knew that in the beginning, because I didn’t and those parts of me that I knew were like that I was scared to show, because it didn’t conform, because I felt different.
Well I am different, I am me. I love meditation, I’m curious about the cycle of the moon, the power of crystals, buddhism fascinates me and I see healers. I’ve even been known to chant!
But I’m also a wife, a mother, an HR manager, I like to read and write, and have a glass of wine too.
That’s all me.
And if I’m honest I’ve never said those things out loud quite like that, to anyone, to my friends or my husband.
And this is why it’s hard, because sometimes we’re not even honest with ourselves, let alone with those around us. And because I know that in the past I’ve looked on at other people doing those things with judgement, thinking it’s weird!
But we are all different, who says what’s weird and what isn’t, what’s right and what’s wrong? Let’s remove the judgement, and accept people and ourselves for who we are.
I want to invite you to sit for a while, perhaps meditate, and ask yourself whether there’s any part of you hiding away. Perhaps you can start to show these parts of yourself? I’m still working on it, I’m always work in progress, we all are.
And it’ll change, I’ll change, or may be I’ll just become more me.
Image found on google but I’ve been unable to find the source and artist, if anyone knows who this is by let me know so that I can credit them. Thank you.
‘Look after yourself first and then you’ll have the energy for everything else’
Nicky is a registered nutritional therapist who takes an integrative approach that works on both the body and the mind. She’s passionate about teaching women (and Mums) to look after themselves first, so that they can be there for their children and have the energy for whatever life has in store.
Nicky qualified from The Institute for Optimum Nutrition in 2009 and is registered with The British Association for Nutrition and Lifestyle Medicine (BANT), and the Complementary & Natural Healthcare Council (CNHC).