I lost myself in motherhood there for a while. I don’t think it’s actually a bad thing. My babies were babies, I was feeding them, they demanded all my attention (and they’re still doing this) but I definitely lost myself.
I came out of a bit of a cloud towards the end of last year and I realised that I hadn’t been out with my friends in about a year! I’d forgotten what it was like to wear anything but t-shirt and jeans (just in case of food spillages, dribble and everything else that comes at you as a Mum). And I questioned who I was, now that I was a mother above all else.
Now my kids are still young, 4 and my youngest nearly 2. So it’s still pretty tiring (Sam was up at 5.30am this morning!) and I can’t just drop everything on a whim. But I’ve been getting back to myself bit by bit. I had to make a conscious decision to do that otherwise I think I may have carried on in a bit of a haze.
So I went shopping and bought myself some clothes. I went out with my friends. And started to do a few things just for me. And this year I want to do more of that, especially going out with my friends. Just to give me time to be just me. Without a baby hanging off me or a 4 year old telling me he’s hungry every 5 minutes (does anyone else have that problem?!).
And I know that they’ll always be times when I’m consumed by my Mummy role, that I’m too tired to even think about going out and I can’t muster up anything but PJs and a sweatshirt. And that’s OK too.
I love being a Mum. But I also like being me.