It’s that time of year, it’s Mother’s Day. And I always find the run up to Mother’s Day a bit tricky.

My Mum died nearly 11 years ago now, at a time when I wasn’t sure if becoming a Mum would ever happen to me. And I’m so grateful it did. But it also changed my relationship with her loss.

When I had Sam, my first, I had so many questions, a million questions that I wanted to ask my Mum. Did you breastfeed me? How did you find it? Is it OK to give him a bottle? Am I doing the right thing? He won’t sleep what shall I do? I can’t get him down for a nap, what shall I do? How do I get him onto food? We’re thinking about putting him in his own room, what do you think? How long does this exhaustion last for? What was I like as a baby? How was it for you being a first time Mum? So many questions.

And also for reassurance. That through the tiredness and exhaustion, and that first time Mum haze, a mother’s support that just says everything’s going to be OK.

Then when I had Jessica it was more – look at what you’re missing Mum. Look at your two beautiful Grandchildren. I wish you were here to see this, I wish you were here so I could see you as a Grandmother.

Even now when the kids are ill as they have been recently, and I’m tired, I want my Mum. I don’t think that mother’s love ever goes away.

And I also want to say two other things, sorry and thank you.

Sorry for alI I put you through growing up! Sorry for the tantrums, for being a fussy eater and refusing to eat the food you cooked me. Sorry for those hormonal teenage years, my twenties when I was trying to find myself and I didn’t know which way to turn. For all those times I was home late, for the times I answered you back and the times I was difficult – I’m sorry.

And finally thank you – for everything. For bringing me into this world, for being the best Mum I could have ever hoped for. For being such a role model. If I’m half the Mum you were I’ll be happy – thank you.

Sending you love Mum on this Mother’s Day.

Nicky Duffell
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Nicky Duffell

Nutritional Therapist

‘Look after yourself first and then you’ll have the energy for everything else’

Nicky is a registered nutritional therapist who takes an integrative approach that works on both the body and the mind. She’s passionate about teaching women (and Mums) to look after themselves first, so that they can be there for their children and have the energy for whatever life has in store.

Nicky qualified from The Institute for Optimum Nutrition in 2009 and is registered with The British Association for Nutrition and Lifestyle Medicine (BANT), and the Complementary & Natural Healthcare Council (CNHC).

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